Are you fully okay with who you are?

“Do you ever make people feel uncomfortable just by being who you are?” a client asked me out of the blue this week. After a thoughtful pause, I replied, “Yes, I do….I think I do that every single day.”

She continued with her inquiry, explaining, “I’m not doing anything but being myself, but I notice that the more grounded I become in who I am, the more people feel insecure around me. It doesn’t matter how kind or friendly I am. I feel so badly about it.”

We mulled it over for quite awhile, continuing to explore whether people’s reactions to her confidence were hers to manage. We discovered that she framed their reactions as something she was doing wrong or needed to change. She felt responsible for their discomfort. I vehemently disagreed, saying, “It’s like you shine so brightly just by being who you are that some people are going to squint when they see you. That’s not something you can control. You aren’t responsible for people’s reactions to your brightness.”

She said, “We need a word for this. We should call it ‘shinysquintyitis’!”And we both laughed.“Yes! Shinysquintyitis!”

If you’ve been on the receiving end of this phenomenon, I want to let you know you are not alone. Every client I work with who has evolved and grown personally has had the experience of being the rare person in the room who is fully okay with who they are. Tragically, we live in a world where many people become intimidated when a person who is absolutely grounded in who they are walks in the room.

You can be kind, friendly and welcoming and some of them will still be uncomfortable with you. That’s okay. You aren’t responsible for their experience with your brightness. Keep growing and keep shining.